Food for Thought: A Weekly Column from Peter Vajda, PhD.
Living Harmoniously
By Peter G. Vajda, PhD.
May 7, 2010 - 6:47:16 PM

undefined undefinedEach of us is a work in progress. No one is "there;" no one has "arrived." Each of us is the composer of the music of our own life. It happens to all of us that from time to time our music does not reflect the notes on the page. When this occurs, it's because we are out of balance, out of harmony, with our Self - in our life at work, at home, at play or in relationship.
 
What is harmony?
 
Harmony is a state of alignment or congruence among four elements: what we say, what we think, what we feel and what we do. Harmony arises when we experience alignment and congruity among our thoughts, feelings, actions and words.
 
Am I in harmony?
 
One way to become consciously aware of the degree to which we are (or aren't) experiencing harmony is to sit quietly and reflect on our lives, where we feel grounded, peaceful, at ease and in sync with our Self - a conscious effort to explore how we feel about, think about, act around (or about) and speak about our various life areas, e.g., finances , career and livelihood, relationships at work, partnership and intimacy, personal environment and organization, personal, professional and spiritual development, health and wellness, family and friends and play and recreation.
 
When I'm not in harmony
 
Imbalance and disharmony point to disconnects in the way you think, feel, speak about or act with respect to any of these life areas. For example, if you feel one way or think one way about money and yet your relationship to money is counter to how you think and feel about it, you're bound to experience disharmony. If your behavior towards your co-workers, your friends, spouse or partner in public differs from how you speak about them in private, when out of sight, you're bound to be experiencing disharmony. So, does your music reflect the notes on the page called "me?" Are your notes out of sync? Off Key?
 
Folks who seem to be the most distressed, overwhelmed, confused, bored, frustrated, angry, or lost are most usually those whose music is out of tune - living a life that is out of tune.
 
In addition, when we experience disharmony with others, it's usually because we're not in harmony with ourselves. When we are in harmony with our Self, we often fine it quite easy to be in harmony with others - at work, at home, at play and in relationship.
 
Feeling "out of sorts," "foggy," frustrated, lost or confused, most often reflects a state wherein we experience a disequilibrium among our mind, body and spirit - or head, heart and soul - between what we are thinking, feeling, saying or doing.
 
The major downside of being in a state of disharmony or disequilibrium is that, in this place, we often make unwise and unhealthy decisions or choices � at work, at home, at play and in relationship. Disharmony results in our consistently sending ourselves mixed messages - messages that lead to confusion and self-doubt.
 
If you look back on some recent decisions that turned out to be self-defeating, self-sabotaging or unwise, there's a good chance alignment was lacking in what you were thinking, feeling and saying. Personal, emotional and spiritual growth happens when we take time to consciously inquire into our internal conflicts - where disharmony lives.
 
Being in harmony
 
When we experience harmony within -  when our thoughts, words, deeds and feelings are in sync - we never have to look "outside" to blame, find fault, judge and criticize someone or some thing harshly. When we are in harmony with our Self, we walk through life with a calmness, sense of inner peace and humility that says "all is right in the world" - our world within and the world without.
 
When we experience harmony, our song reflects balance and equanimity. Our notes are written with gentleness, mildness, respect, humility, modesty, tolerance and forgiveness. Inner harmony is what also allows us to experience our soul qualities - courage, strength, wisdom, will, confidence, motivation, self-discipline, inner peace and love, compassion -  qualities that consistently lead us to "right knowing," "right action," and "right understanding." 
 
Harmony supports us to live a life of honesty, integrity, sincerity and self-responsibility - no need for fakeness, phoniness, or deception. Harmony allows us to be at peace within our own skin.
 
No one can compose your music
 
You are the composer of your own life's music. You are the one who can choose to, or not, take responsibility when you hear a discordant note. And you, and only you, can then act, or not, to reduce or eliminate the discord in the melody of your life.
 
So, right here and right now, how's your music? Do you need to change or discard any notes? Which ones?

So, some questions for self-reflection are:

• What creates disharmony in your life?
• Do my actions reflect my feelings? Do my words mirror my actions? Am I always at odds with my Self?
• Do I tell myself lies? About whom or what? And why? What does lying get me?
• Is the music of my life harmonious or discordant? Where, and why?
• Does disharmony in my life create conflict with others - at work, at home at play or in relationship?
• How do I promote harmony within my Self? Do I "walk my harmony talk�?
• What does disharmony look like in my life? How would others describe a disharmonious "me?" 
• Do I tend to blame others for my disharmony?
• Can I recall experiencing harmony in and around my family when I was growing up?