Food for Thought: A Weekly Column from Peter Vajda, PhD.
Your Value; Your Worth
By Peter G. Vajda, PhD.
Oct 4, 2007 - 4:39:07 PM

Greetings,

This week’s “food for thought” Your Value; Your Worth, is below.

I hope it piques your interest and curiosity about "who" you are, and "how" you are, in your role as a leader, manager or supervisor.

I also hope you'll share this with colleagues, post it on bulletin boards, use it to generate rich and rewarding discussions and learning in your formal and informal meetings, in your "lunch and learn" sessions, in your workshops and training sessions, and include it in your newsletter.

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Your Value; Your Worth
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"Only by much searching and mining are gold and diamonds obtained, and a person can find every truth connected with his being, if he will dig deep into the mine of his soul."  - As A Man Thinketh

The classic book Acres of Diamonds tells about a person who sold his home and land to travel far and wide in search of diamonds — only to die penniless. In the story, the new owner of this man's land discovered diamonds on the very property that the former owner had ignored.

In my coaching work, I'm often struck, initially, when I come across folks who act the the farmer did whenever they try to "fix" something in their lives — at work, at home, at play or in relationship.

Whether they are seeking happiness, peace of mind, or a greater sense of self-worth, self-esteem, inner security or love, many of these folks spend an inordinate amount of time, and emotional and psychic energy, looking "outside" themselves for the "quick fix" — that person, place or object that will bring them happiness.

These folks look to their spouse, their partner, their co-workers, their friends, or to "objects" (such as a new, expensive car, boat, home, pet, clothes, food, alcohol, sugar, plasma TV, gambling, the country club membership, etc.), children, or parents to fill the "hole", the void, to soothe their inner feeling of deficiency, of feeling "not enough".

Many of these folks become workaholics or became obsessed with activities such as exercise, shopping, or "going out," continually hoping that in the activity, poof!, the "answer" will appear. Sadly, and fortunately, they come to understand nothing "outside" can or will ever satisfy their "hunger" for inner peace, well-being, or a feeling of value or worth.

Like the poor farmer in Acres of Diamonds, their search comes up empty-handed and they continue to sleep walk though life, at work, at home, even at play, with a sense of emptiness, often experiencing a low-grade-fever-type of agitation and frustration. They continually experience anger, sadness, depression (anger turned within), emptiness — feeling isolated from life and from themselves.

And just like the story, diamonds are waiting to be discovered right in their own back yard. The reality is that the only way to find the gold and diamonds is to "dig deep into the mine of the soul." To go "inside" and stay there for a time; in one's own company, and explore.

One of my most favorite authors, Jim Rohn, says, "The greatest source of unhappiness comes from inside." Conversely, that's also where the greatest (and only) source of happiness comes from.

Instead of searching far and wide, perhaps spend some time every day exploring inside. Instead of expecting something outside to fill you up, learn to fill yourself from within. Make a commitment to read more of the material that will help you discover who you are. Make a commitment to journal some every day to explore your self and your life — what's working and what's not , in this adventure of yours called life? What would you like to be different? What would different look like? How might you move in that direction? Not from a self-critical or judgmental perspective, but from a place of curiosity, self-love and compassion.

A steady diet of books on business, leadership, supervising and managing is fine; but like any diet, there needs to be variety. Make a decision to grow your self, over and above your role and position.

So, our $10 food for thought questions are:

• Do you take time to grow yourself, over and above work, on a consistent basis?
• Do to take time for meditation, reflection, contemplation, journaling, or walking in nature?
• Do you find your self constantly searching for happiness "out there?"
• Do you read for self-improvement, self-growth and self-development outside of your "business-related" readings?
• Do you ever feel empty inside, lacking in some way, feeling deficient in well-be-ing and inner peace?
• Are you comfortable being alone in your own company for extended periods of time?
• Do you find silence to be soothing or to be deafening?
• Do you really, really, really know yourself? How does that question make you feel?
• Are you resistant when it comes to exploring and discovering who you are "inside"?
• Do you like yourself?
• If you were broke, would you still have value and worth?
• Can you list 10 qualities, skills, or competencies that reflect your value or worth?
• Do you equate net worth with self-worth?